Hungry Bear

Padawanlee and I were trying to wait until Baby Bear was 6 months old to start her on solid foods. We heard that it was better because it decreased the chances of allergies arising. Lately, however, she's been getting hungrier and hungrier. At first she was starting to want to eat every 2 hours. Then the time intervals started getting shorter and shorter. Even after eating well, she still seemed hungry. My milk supply was running short and my patience was running short...so we gave in.
I was expecting it to be a difficult affair, just because she's so used to milk being her sole source of nutrition. Despite being extremely messy, she took to it well.
She seemed like she was actually enjoying herself. I would start bringing the spoon to her mouth and she would hungrily attack it. Of course, most of it dribbled down into the black hole supposedly where her neck is...but that is another story altogether.

Mommy Chatter

Baby Bear and I went to a mommies and babies play group last week. Granted baby bear doesn't play much, but she was fascinated by all the older children playing (screaming!) around her. All she did was sit there and observe and listen.

I sat around with the other moms (who had a moment to sit) and I noticed that all conversations were either about their kids, their husbands, other people's kids or other people's husbands. Most of it was beyond me because most of their kids were starting pre-school or kindergarten. There I was with my 5 month old. All I did was sit there and observe and listen.

Is this my future? Will I only talk about my children and my husband? But wait!!! Isn't that what I do now? Somehow in the course of these past 5 months I unknowingly learned the art of "mommy chatter." I shudder at the thought.

The Truth...

I love Baby Bear. That will never change, but sometimes she really starts to irk me. There, I've said it. Does this make me a bad parent?

It's tough. I knew that it would be difficult, but I didn't know exactly how hard it would be. I don't regret being a parent at all, but I just don't understand how it seems so easy for everyone else. Everyone else seems so put together and I feel like I'm so frazzled. Everyone else seems to have these angel children who can do no wrong in their sight.

My baby is no angel baby. I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea from this blog. Granted, she has some angel moments, but she's not even close to being an easy baby. Just at this moment, she is complaining again because she tipped herself over while playing for the 12th time and needs to be picked up again for the 12th time.

She is, however, a good actor. At church on Sundays, she seems like an easy baby. She doesn't cry much, doesn't complain much, let's other people hold her, plays on her own, sleeps in the stroller, smiles and laughs abundantly... Everyone mentions how she seems like an easy baby. Even when we were in Sacramento visiting the grandparents, they kept remarking how she was such a good baby. The moment it's just me, padawanlee and baby bear, she seems continuously out of sorts.

So I've decided, if anybody asks me how I'm doing as a parent and I'm not feeling entirely in my parental best, I will tell the truth. I won't try to hide it. Perhaps this will help me be a better parent.

And even when my baby is howling for the 2nd hour, I just have to remember how much I love her, how being her parent makes me seek to be a better person, and that perhaps we can learn together how to be patient with one another.

I know...who could get impatient with this bear cub?

Cranky Bear

Oh where did my Happy Bear go? Right now we have a Cranky Bear in her place. I hope it's just because of her teeth...which still haven't come out yet!

This has been an exercise in patience. Patience with the teeth, and patience with the cranky bear.

Speaking of which, last Sunday we dedicated Baby Bear at church. It was good for Padawanlee and I to think about how parenting is not just physical (feeding, burping and changing), but it's also spiritual. It is by our actions and examples that she will be raised spiritually.

We were given a book during her dedication called Sacred Parenting by Gary L. Thomas. I was excited because one of my favorite books on marriage is Sacred Marriage by the same author. The byline on this book is how being a parent shapes our soul.

The author likes to put quotes to start each chapter. The very first quote in the book says, "If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor - Anonymous." What a good way to start the book.

Silent Night...

We don't really live in a quiet neighborhood. Morning is wrought with cars leaving for work, doors slamming, carpools honking, school buses...The daytime brings garbage trucks, construction on nearby properties, sirens from the nearby fire station...People drive by with their music blasting or loud exhaust sounds that set off car alarms as it zooms by. Once school is out, kids are walking down the street, driving by, riding skateboards, yelling to their friends across the way...Even our neighbors are not quiet. Out of 6 apartments, 4 of them listen to music so loud that my wall shakes. Upstairs is the dad always yelling at his daughter who in turn is always crying at the top of her lungs. The next apartment over has the boy who runs from door to door screaming at the top of his lungs. Even in the middle of the night we have this insane cat that cries right outside our bedroom window...

...but for once it's quiet here. For the first time in a few days I can actually hear my own thoughts. With all the noise I didn't realize that I had so much going on in my head.

Still Waiting...

We're still waiting for Bear's teeth to make an appearance. We see them! The points and tips are starting to poke through...but they just haven't quite made their grand entrance. So I counted this morning...there are 3-4 coming in on the bottom and four are making their way from the top! Yikes! No wonder she's been such a cranky bear.

In Daddy's Care...

I'm so tired. Baby Bear is napping less...I'm trying to work with her to nap better, but hunger seems to override her sleep. So her naps are horrendously short...so on top of being tired from feeding her all the time, she requires more attention while awake.

So I needed a little break. Right now, Baby Bear is in her dad's care. It's actually funny to listen to. He decided to read his ESPN magazine to her...Some things I have heard them discussing:

• the joys of the NBA playoffs
• Tennis rackets and grips
• Poker and the meaning of a Royal Flush
• Dirt biking
• Derek Jeter (He was explaining to her how he's Auntie Maisie's favorite player, "because she thinks he's cute...")
• "Hummers are bad! Don't buy a hummer..."

I'm glad that she's got someone patient enough to entertain her right now.

*Growl*

My stomach has been growling all morning. I ate some food, but it's still growling. While I was feeding Baby Bear this morning, my stomach was growling so loudly that Baby Bear kept looking around for the source of the noise. She then responded to the growl. Apparently my stomach is talking to her.

Deep Thoughts - By Baby Bear

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Our "Healthy" Baby

For the past few weeks, I have heard numerous euphemisms for the term "chubby." The most popular being, "Your baby is so healthy." Yes, she's very "healthy" indeed. Or we hear, "Wow, your mommy feeds you well" or "What a good eater you must be."

Some not-so-euphemistic terms that have been mentioned are: Rubberband arms, Michelin Man, Thunder thighs, Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man...
Personally, I like my baby's double chin and wobbly cheeks. I like her "rubberband arms" and "thunder thighs." So, there are no need for euphemisms with this mom. But...

...At her 4-month appointment yesterday she came just 3 ounces shy of 16 pounds. That's 90-95 percentile! She doesn't seem so roly-poly though. She only eats 5 times a day usually. Most breastfed babies are supposed to still eat 6-8 times a day at this age. Hmmmm....She doesn't look overweight or anything. She seems proportional...perhaps she's just storing it all in her cheeks.

It's So Difficult...

...to type with one hand as you're holding a fidgety 4-month old in your lap.

On another note...you know how as babies develop there are supposed milestones that they are supposed to reach at certain times? I kind of look at them sometimes, mainly so I know what the pediatrician is going to ask me at the next visit. Otherwise, I know that Bear will develop in her own time...and why should I push her? But there are people out there always forming the unnecessary developmental comparisons.

Baby Bear and I were at Target the other day. I was perusing the bottle aisle with Bear when we bumped into this woman who was perusing the formula cans. Baby Bear is a conversation starter, so this woman proceeded to tell me about her own child who was 2 months older. It was nice, just a simple conversation with a stranger who could understand the woes of baby raising. Then again, conversations with me are usually one-sided...I tend to be the silent nodder.

It's great when parents are proud of their little ones and of the achievements that they make. It's better when they don't gush about it in a condescending manner. "Yeah, but my baby is advanced, so your child might do that at 7 months...not 6 months like mine."

I just smiled and nodded...what else could I say?

Any UCSD AACFers out there?

I received an email about a UCSD AACF Alumni reunion happening over Memorial Day weekend (Sunday to Monday). If any of you are out there reading this blog and you want more information just go to this website for more info. Sounds interesting...

Mother Knows Best...

For weeks now, I have been telling my mom about all the things that Baby Bear has been doing recently. Let's see...it started with the ear pulling, then the drooling, then the increase in fussiness, the sucking on the fist, eating of the toys, some bouts of diarrhea and then howling in pain on occasion. Her first response was, "maybe she's teething." My response was, "...but she's only 3 months old."

So I kept trying to figure out what it could be. Reflux? Tummy hurts? Is she sick? She wants attention? She wants to be held? She only wants dad? She only wants mom? She's tired? She has gas? She needs to poop?

Trust me I went through the whole gamut. Then this happened.

All I have to say is, "My mother knows best." This mother (meaning: me) knows squat.

It's Official...

...she's teething.

Baby Bear has a pearly white already poking it's way through her gums on her lower jaw.

No wonder she's been so fussy lately.

Man, and I thought it was because I was eating something that was bothering her while nursing. I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. She's not even 4 months yet.

Oh well. What can we do.

Korean Food...Yum

My cousin told me to check out this xanga...it's all about Korean Food. Looks so yummy!

Huh?

It's Thursday?!?! Where did the week go?

Why I Know...

Padawanlee isn't gushy. You'll never catch him gushing over Baby Bear...I think he shows his love for her in his actions. Last night, the baby monitor alarm started going off...Padawanlee instantly woke up, ran over there, and picked up Baby Bear even before I could register what the noise was. We don't know why it went off. Perhaps she did stop breathing, or she just happened to move off the sensors, or something was wrong with the monitor. Whatever it was, I knew I felt fear...so I know Padawanlee felt it too.

This is why I know Padawanlee loves Baby Bear deeply...if she were ever to be in trouble, he'd be the first person to run over and save her.

The Busy Weekend...

The highlights of our weekend:

(1) Baby Bear's Red Egg & Ginger Party - To celebrate her arrival, her grandparents held a party for Baby Bear. Here she is with her great-grandmas.



(2) Padawanlee got to see a lot of his good friends who live up north. Baby Bear got to sing karaoke, play poker and eat Chinese food with them. Okay, well she watched them do all of that. But she got so much attention! She was loving every minute of it.

(3) Baby Bear got to meet her great-great grandma. That's right! You read it correctly...her GREAT-GREAT grandma. We even got to take a picture with all 5 generations.

(4) Baby Bear started laughing...not just little laughs here and there, but honest-to-goodness belly laughing.

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(5) We had a good time, but it's good to be home.

100 Days...

'Twas the day after Christmas
when you were born
New parents were blessed
that December morn

You had a full head of hair
And big puffy cheeks
You were rosy in color
And food did you seek

Your Daddy was so happy
and slightly in shock
He was a new dad
He could hardly talk

Your Mommy was tired
but forgot all about harms
The moment she saw you
and held you in her arms

Now it's 100 days later
You've changed and you've grown
You're smiling and laughing
and your personality is your own

You sing with your mom
You splash on your dad
You make cute little "ah-goos"
and you are rarely sad

Happy baekil my darling
How we love you so
We've thanked God everyday for you
Starting 100 days ago...

The Amorphous Asian...

Back in college, I had a friend dub me an "amorphous Asian." It was a joke because although I was Korean, no one really knew. My appearance is definitely Korean, but because I don't act Korean (whatever that means) my friends often questioned my background ethnicity. There were some friends who didn't realize I was Korean until 4 years into our friendship. I remember many conversations that went like this:

"You're Korean?!?!...No you're not!"
"I am."
"NO YOU'RE NOT!"
"Uh, okay, I'm not?"

I always wondered why people just had a difficult time believing it. Conversations usually followed with:

"But there's something different about you...I can't put my finger on it."

So then I would respond:

"I'm one-eighth Japanese?"

And they would seem content with that reason for my being not-so-Korean. Yet, one-eighth really isn't all that much. So I'm not sure why it would suffice. But still to this day, friends I've known for a decade will still slip this comment into conversation:

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were Korean...but you're not really that Korean anyway."

Huh? So what am I?

So I wonder what it will be like when Baby Bear grows up. Here's the breakdown on Baby Bear. She's half Chinese, seven-sixteenths Korean and one-sixteenth Japanese. She's more indefinable than I am. I will either have to teach her fractions at an early age, or somehow simplify. I can already imagine the conversations:

So are you Chinese?
Yes.
But I thought you said you were Korean?
Yes.
...and kind of Japanese?
Yes.
No, really, what are you?

Here's to all of us "amorphous Asians" out there. You know who you are.