Bully Bully...

I was a petite kid. I was always one of the smallest kids in my class. It wasn't until high school that I starting growing to normal heights.

My short stature caused me much grief when I was in elementary school. I don't know what it was, but somehow being short and Asian meant it was okay to pick on me.

"Baby Carina! You're so cute!" said the girl from my class as she pinched my cheeks to numbness, all the while talking in a voice that you'd use only on babies and dogs.

Of course, I was also plagued with the shyness disease, so my only response was to blink a few times and suffer through the pain.

Definitely not one of my fonder memories.

Or the time in second grade when a girl in the class down the hall decided that she just didn't like me and grabbed me by the chin to threaten me. "What are you looking at? Don't sit next to me!"

I don't remember doing anything to provoke her...I just sat next to her because the teacher told me to do so. Needless to say, I was scared of that girl for the rest of the time she was at our school...

...or the sixth grade girl who would constantly tell me to change lockers with her because she was so much taller than the eighth grade me who happened to have a top locker above her...and her friend who threatened to beat me up after school because I got fed up with the ridicule and used a few choice words in turn...

So it doesn't surprise me that Bear isn't even close to being one of the tallest in her class, but it does surprise me that no matter how many decades have passed, the same issue always rears its ugly head.

A couple weeks ago I watched as one of Bear's soccer teammates came up to her and pinched her cheeks and patted her head and told her how cute she was. I watched warily.

Tonight, after practice, two of the girls decided to play "keep away" with Bear in the middle. Even when Matt and I called for Bear to come, the girls wouldn't give the ball back and kept passing the ball between them with Bear running in between.

She's a good kid. She smiled through the whole thing...

...but I wasn't smiling, that's for sure.

In my head I was debating whether my second grade memories were clouding my judgment of the situation making it bigger than it really was or whether I should just let the incident go as a first time thing and bring up issue if it happens again. Luckily the coach stepped in and deflected the situation (not resolving, mind you) and helped Bear go on her way.

In the car I had to ask Bear what she thought of the situation...she remained quiet for a while before responding, "I don't know." As her parent, I know that if it didn't bother her she would have then asked, "what do you mean?" Instead, her quiet, "I don't know," told me that she really was bothered but didn't want to say anything about it because she didn't want to upset anybody.

So we chatted and we talked about ways that she could get out of situations like that...Chipmunk piped in his two cents as well..."You should tell them to stop! If they do mean things, you have to tell them to stop and walk away!" He was very cutely emphatic about it.

The problem with sending our kids out into the world is that they have to actually be in the world and deal with the issues the world throws at them. I keep telling myself that these "blips" and how we deal with them will make them into better adults, but sigh...it hurts to know that their innocence is being chipped away little by little...

So next practice, I'll be watching like a hawk, and before then I'll be praying and praying some more, and in the meantime, I'll be sure to continue the conversation with my children in hopes that they'll have the courage to act accordingly if the situation should arise again.

It may only seem like a little thing to most people ("kids will be kids, right?"), but seeing how I vividly remember my memories after almost thirty years...I'm not taking any chances with my own kids.

Part of the Neighborhood

Some days my kids strap on their helmets and bike/scooter down the street. I follow them slowly by foot and eventually we make our way about a block down to a street with a cul-de-sac. When we get there, there are already 7-8 kids rolling about on their inline skates, bicycles and scooters. My daughter greets them all, knowing most of them from school, and then my kids instantly add their vehicles to the kid traffic. I hesitantly join the other moms on the sidewalk and try to add to the chatter, although feeling a bit shy.

I often think, "So this is what it's like to be part of a neighborhood..."

Our previous neighborhood, was a bit different. I met our neighbors, but never really chatted with them or let the kids play with their kids. I mean, when your neighbor gets arrested in the middle of the night on your doorstep the conversation starters are a bit different..."Were you the ones who called the cops on me?" "Nope, it wasn't us...Have a nice day." Or when the kids from your complex and the complex next door are egging each other on to "jump off the roof" on a lazy summer day, you tend to make a mental note to not let your kids ever meet those kids.

Not that it was an unsafe neighborhood...just different. Neighbors never dropped by to say "hello" unless they were also asking if we knew whose car was blocking the driveway. If I happened to be outside and a neighbor walked by, greetings were rare. Now people I've never met wave at us and often stop to chat about the weather or random happenings in the neighborhood. They've even stopped me in my car while I'm leaving the driveway, just to say hello.

And you know, I still can't get used to it...the friendliness, the hospitality, the acceptance and immediate trust that I've encountered here. I can't say I feel all that comfortable with it.

There's this unsettling distrust that has permeated my ability to freely socialize that I think may just be common in most (I'll just outright say it) LA people (Los Angeles...not Louisiana). I've been trying to break through that, but I think it will take me a while...I have so much distrust that I even arm the car alarm when it's parked in the connected garage at night. I have this sense of anxiety rather than pleasantry when strangers talk to me at grocery stores. When people I've met for the first time ask for my phone number or email, I recoil inside and wonder for what nefarious reason they want this information.

In the meantime, the kids love being part of a friendly neighborhood...They wave at the neighbors going to the community pool across the street and wave at neighbors walking their canine companions about. They play with anyone at the local park and excitedly socialize at the community events (Yes, there are community events...go figure!). We drive down our hill and they recognize cars that belong to their friends' parents. It's one of those places that you can't go anywhere without running into someone that you know or are familiar with. And everyday at school drop-off and pick-up you see...well...you see everyone.

It's not a bad thing. I'm thankful for the place that we are living in now, and I'm thankful that my kids are happy. Community just doesn't come so easily to me as it might to other people...so I'm learning, and perhaps sometime in the future, wherever we are, I'll be able to feel more like I'm part of the neighborhood, too.

The Next Stage...

So despite what we all think when we're toting around an infant, with lack of sleep and constant diaper changing muddling our thought processes, things really do change. Our little ones grow up and suddenly you find your home diaper-free and your car, stroller-free. Really. It does happen.

Your purse does not double as a diaper bag.

Your kids buckle themselves into the car.

You don't have to pack a change of clothes...or three.

You can sleep in a bit while the kids feed themselves breakfast.

The songs stuck in your head aren't from Disney Jr. or Nick Jr.

Your day's schedule is not structured around naptimes.

Your voice goes down an octave back to what it once was.

You can use sarcasm, and your kids get it.

Household chores can be completed while you sit, sipping coffee (as long as you've delegated properly).

I'll be honest. I never thought I'd get to this point. Parents with older kids kept telling me how things would change eventually. So many times I heard how the stress of parenting an infant/toddler would soon pass and although there would be different struggles ahead, in some ways parenting would get easier. Of course, amidst juggling a colicky baby and a short-napping toddler, this concept was just unfathomable. I would watch moms of older kids and wonder how they could be so calm amidst the chaos of parenthood...

But now, I kind of see why that is...My days are not filled with exploding poopy diapers, translating toddler speak, cleaning up after kids who like to dump everything out again, learning how to selectively listen to crying, leaving the house with fifty billion "necessary" items, figuring out how to pack groceries in the car amidst the strollers and paraphernalia...etc...

I've hit the next stage...and in some ways I like it here.

Slowly I've changed parental gears, and all those issues I faced only a couple of years ago seem almost distant and blurry...so much so, that the anguish I felt at the time is hazier, and the struggles seem mild, when at the time I felt they were catastrophic.

Of course, perhaps that's just how it is in life...the drama is greater in the present than it is in the past. As long as we look backward with a teachable spirit, willing to grow, moving onto the next stage isn't such a bad thing...

Then again, seeing that the teenage years are ahead somewhere...perhaps I shouldn't speak too soon.

First day of school 2013

The birds are singing, the sun is shining...and the kids are both off to school!

It was getting a bit iffy there at the end of summer vacay...both kids were starting to really rub each other the wrong way, easily picking fights, pushing each other buttons...needless to say, I was ready for them to go to school.

The biggest change this year is having only ONE DROP OFF! Can you tell I'm excited about that?

Yup, Chipmunk is finally joining his big sis in elementary school.



I was taking this picture of him and his cheesy grin and I heard laughing behind me. I turned to see the principal and another parent walking past us watching Chipmunk "pose" for the camera.



Bear was excited to see her friends again. She was excited to learn that a good chunk of her girlfriends were all in the same second grade class with her...a good thing for her...I don't know how her teacher is going to feel about all the chatty girls.

We shall see what happens...

Here's to a good school year!