One of Those Days

It's been one of those days....one of those days when you can't decide whether it's you that's crazy or it's your child. You've had it up to here. You're patience is so thin you can see through it. Your brow is stuck in a furrow of frustration and you're afraid to open your mouth in case what comes out can't be taken back.

So you close your eyes, breathe in sharply, and exhale slowly hoping all your anger and worry will release with your outgoing breath. Your fists are clenched and your fingernails are pushing creases into your palms.

Helpless words escape your lips, "Help me, Lord." You feel the pressure building behind your eyes and the tell-tale tears are slowly pushing their way out despite how hard you try to suppress them. You are a bottled well of anger, frustration, feeling beat down and helplessly lacking control. You don't know whether to punch a wall or jump back into bed and hide. It's just been one of those days.

Then little flashes pop into your mind...and you remember. You remember the day you first held them in your arms. You remember their tiny little bottom lip pouting and crying only minutes after being born and just the sheer awe of knowing you love so much despite how you just met. You remember that first smile after weeks of colic that warmed you inside and out, melting away your weariness. You remember the first time they hugged you unprompted and said, "Yuv you," or the first time they sat in your lap wanting to be hugged.

And just like that, your frustration melts, your anger subsides, and you remind yourself that love is never easy, forgiveness is no small feat. You pick yourself up, prod yourself forward and do what you must whether it's cleaning up a mess or mentally revising how to approach the situation.

It's just one of those days...one of many to come...so you better find a way to cope, a way to right your spirits, a way to not let yourself be pushed over the edge, a way to make sure that when you put your head to your pillow at night you're not haunted by all the ways you could have been a better parent that day.