Seven Years Ago

This post was written about a month and a half ago. It's been about 3 weeks since we moved. These were my thoughts then.

It was about seven years ago when we moved in, our quaint 2-bedroom apartment that we figured would be temporary. When we first moved in, our wonderful friends helped us move things in. A couple weeks later, we were married and our humble abode was starting to take shape.

Being newlyweds and both starting new careers as well, we had few things furnishing our home. Our coffee table was a cardboard television box. Matt's work area was a folding table. There didn't seem to be a need to unpack too much either, so many of our belongings remained boxed up in the second bedroom.

Even when Bear was born about 14 months later, the boxes remained, just push aside a bit in order to fit her bassinet. We figured, "how much space could a newborn take up?" We soon learned the answer to that question as I was forced to go through the unpacked boxes and weed out items for donation or trash. The boxes were soon replaced with a crib & a changing table.

As the next year passed we soon learned that the nice coffee table we purchased to replace the cardboard television box wasn't kid-friendly. Instead, it got pushed to the side to make space for little Bear to roam around and play without fear of bumping her noggin.

Matt and I soon noticed that Bear's things were starting to become rather prolific. Not only did she outgrow clothes every couple of months, but every time we saw the relatives they always had something new for her. Sometimes it was small like a snack, but sometimes it was large like a five-foot pink stuffed pony.

Then my local family slowly started moving away and leaving behind things for Matt, Bear and me to keep...just the remainder of my items from my childhood that hadn't been moved, although one of those items happened to be a piano.

As I was nesting once again, I attacked our closets and corners and purged our home of more unnecessary items, hoping once again for simplicity in our home. I sadly tossed out many of my old memories, but I kept telling myself that it was all for the better and those old memories should remain in my head and not in my closets.

Simplicity remained an ideal once again as chaos erupted from the moment Chipmunk graced us with his presence. All of our furniture was soon pushed to the sides as he grew to be a climber, a runner, a curious destroyer. And he seemed to grow even faster than Bear had, leaving behind piles of outgrown clothes and shoes. Now with two kids, there were twice as many items coming into our home. Twice as many snacks...twice as many five-foot pink ponies (well, metaphorical pink ponies).

Our quaint two-bedroom apartment that started with a cardboard coffee table was now being invaded by Thomas the Tank Engine and ballerina outfits. A midnight run to the kitchen for a glass of water was an obstacle course of blocks, cars and toys that would wail out eerily happy songs upon sensing motion.

All the nice things were put away. Glassware was put away to make room for plasticware. Nice books were put on higher shelves and lower shelves were stocked with coloring books and toy boxes. Organized rows of DVDs were soon disorganized after Chipmunk made sure to toss them around each day. Our once new apartment with clean carpets and white walls became a place that I looked at everyday wondering how in the world I was ever going to clean it up.

And now as I'm slowly packing up all of our things into moving boxes, I can't help but feel sad, because despite the chaos, it's been a good seven years here. Our rent was never raised and despite the many problems here and there, it's hard to let go of all the memories that we have had here. As I walk around and see the marks on the walls and the traces of stickers still stuck to the doors, I can still remember the little hands coloring the walls or placing those beloved stickers ever so carefully.

In our next home, we'll be starting all over again... while the old marks will get left behind and have to stay here 400 miles away, only to be erased with a new carpet and fresh coat of paint, as if we were never there to begin with.

In a word, it's...bittersweet. It'll be nice to be in a place where we can create new adventures and memories, but it'll be sad to leave a place where we feel so invested, embedded rather deeply in a community of friends.

Change? I've never dealt well with it. In my mind and heart I know that change can be a good thing, but it takes me so long to allow the change to become an accepted part of my life. I keep crying when I think about how my kids are going to feel once the reality hits them. Right now, Bear is excited about moving, and doesn't even seem to mind that she'll have to start at a new school, but every once in a while, she'll ask me things that clue me to the fact that she doesn't quite get what it entails. Chipmunk, is like me, and I know he will show some adverse effects to change when it actually happens, perhaps not so much beforehand.

"Are you excited about the move, Carina?"

I'll get there. Trust me, I'll get there, although right now I'm just a bit saddened by it and need some time to let it all sink in.